For all you have done

The pressure makes us stronger. The struggle makes us hunger. The hard lessons make the difference.I want to start today by thanking God for everything He is doing for Bryon and I. We had a huge blessing catch us completely off guard and blow us out of the water! It is a private thing which I do not want to make public. But just trust me! It was amazing. God is so good..even when we don't know it or see it! I am sitting here in the coffee shop again. Bryon is at work next door and the kids are at school. This is a great time for me to write. I have to leave home to ever have the motivation to do this. At home there are farrrr too many distractions! Everything else is more important than me taking some time to do some therapeutic writing! They roast their own beans here and it smells so good..not to mention the pastry smell floating around. I have some great music in my ears here in the corner at "my table"! I have to be to work at 5am tomorrow and not looking forward to that. I never do no matter how much convincing I try to give myself! I committed to working every other Saturday now so that I would not have to do that nasty 12 hour shift anymore..yuck! I do not know who could handle being at the hospital that long! Unless you are a patient! I am going to totally change subjects here..because I can. I have found my life song. Every time I hear it I cry because no matter how many times I listen to it, it never gets old and makes me feel closer than it did the time before. It speaks straight to my heart. Give me Jesus. It is that simple. I feel like a Jesus freak. I hope this never ever goes away. I hope that is the number one thing people remember about me. Whether I'm here or gone. That everyone knows how much I love Jesus. It is not about being a super christian and following the "law" but truly loving God and following him..not people. I praise Christ for what he willingly did for a worm like me. Thank you Jesus. I cannot wait to be with you someday! I look forward to the very moment when we will be together for eternity. Who are you modeling your life after? Listen to this song and just close your eyes.

Being Sneaky!

I am not sure if anyone still checks this blog or if they just gave up! Either way I am ready to do some writing again. Since my last post I have found out that I am pregnant! Three months now! Baby is due in April! Bryon has started school for theology and ministry and is doing great! The kids are back in school and doing wonderful. God is SO incredible. Life has been a crazy but amazing ride for us! I could never wish for anything else than what I have been given. I can say a year ago I would have not seen myself or my family where we are at! That is for sure. I am back at the hospital which is great! Whenever I leave there and go back i realize how much I love my job, patients, and people in the other departments that I am blessed to know! I worked at the rescue mission running a day camp for at risk kids here in town. When God pushes you to go out on a risk and do something..you can dig your feet into the mud all you want, but sooner or later you are going to have to surrender to what you know is your purpose and that is exactly what happened! I have always said that I really love my own kids but not other peoples kids. I never felt that was my gift! I still honestly dont, but I learned so much about them and myself! I fell in love with some of them and wish I could give them a life better than what the have been dealt.( i need to go freshen my cup of coffee..be right back) Ok im back...i really wish I had some headphones! Anyway..that was the experience for me. One I will never forget. I wish i could fully express all of my thoughts on God right now. It is so hard to pin down all of your thoughts. He must really trust me because He has been opening doors non stop for me to tackle. More than i think i can handle of course, but that's the way He is. I am going to stop now. If i write too much now I wont have anything to say tomorrow!

Been Awhile!

Hello everyone! I am still here! Sorry it has been so long. I have not had much to talk about so that is the reason for the delay! Bryon has left for Iowa today so im bummin out a little bit. He is just the very best thing in the world. I will miss him a ton but very thankful it is not a deployment! I do not miss those days. I had my last day at the hospital and it sure is nice! Two more weeks at starbucks! They were going to be really really easy weeks but me being the softie i am picked up extra shifts that i would normally be at the hospital..owell. If you are looking for a job they are definatly hiring! Summer is here finally! The warm weather is very nice! I am just spending my day cleaning...(super cleaning). I have all the time in the world to do it. My denial part did get removed and that went really well..that was two weeks ago. My girls hurt and im not sure if it is from the lack of the devices hormones or if im pregnant already. I guess ill just have to wait and see! If i am than wow! That would be super fast! If not well just have to keep trying...it will be tricky though with bryons travles! Ill keep you updated!

Anticipation!

So i went to the Dr. yesterday and she said everything looks great! The baby denial device has been taken out! So nature and God's divine plan are in charge now! I would be lying if i said i was not completely ecstatic! Other than that everything is great. Work was a drag today. I never realized leaving the hospital would truly make me see how good i have it there! A break at Starbucks...YEAH RIGHT! People are constantly whining and crabby. Gosh...it really is the end of the world when your latte has a drop of foam on it or it was not perfectly steamed to 2oo degrees! Not to mention my co-workers..always sick and cranky! *i do love you all*. So I'm really ready to be done with it all. Praise God that i have such a supportive husband to let me stay home and raise our kids. Bryon and i are not strangers to taking chances and relying on faith. God just makes us stronger and closer to Him. That is the goal! To get closer to Him. I am trying to attempt some sort of walking/jogging routine started and the weather is just not letting me. GRRRR. I actually had bryon ready to get up and do it with me this morning but i look outside and the tops of the trees are practically touching the ground. It is not looking any better the rest of the week..just some snow..wind..maybe some rain and more wind..it's really no big deal...LOL. Well I'm off to bed! Goodnight

Butterflies

I am happy, excited, nervous about my day tomorrow. All good dont get me wrong! I just never thought. I guess that is why God is so incredible. Unpredictable. I love Him. These last few days have been great! Everything here has been pretty steady. We were going to go to billings but the weather put a halt on that so bryon surprised me with a hand held mini vaccuum that requires no h2o! YAY! So no more hassle for crumbs! And of all things he got me a new shower curtain rod! LOL! Silly bear. We ended up going to the church yesterday and getting a TON of stuff accomplised. Some much much needed cleaning/organizing. So right up my ally! Im not going to lie...i had a blast. I love to clean. It makes everything so much better! I have 4 more shifts left at the hospital now and 12 at the coffee shop. WOW. I am excited. I think im going to head out for a jogaroo now. It has been a few days since i have updated but im sure i will have plenty to say tomorrow. Love you all!

Amazing Husband

I just want to brag about my darling man! He has always been amazing but the older we get the more i fall so so so in love with him. He went to the store tonight to buy some feminine products..he always has done it but today it just is a big deal to me for some reason. Honey..i love you! God blessed me when he put you and i together. I thank you for everything you are and all that you are becoming. You are an amazing example to everyone who will be able to share life with you! On another note im pretty sure that our trip to billings is cancelled! The weather here is INSANE! Blizzard/slushie snow/ weird rain?! And some really crazzzzzy wind. Im scared to wake up and see what mother nature has left for us in the morning. But there is definatly lots to get done this weekend as usual! Goodnight

Countdowns

I have so many countdowns going right now. I'm such a dork! I'm very excited to see my sister this weekend! I haven't been out of great falls in a LONG time. I'm a lamer! Then we are going to Belgrade for a long awaited visit with Bryon's grandma and to see his cousin graduate college! And the biggest is my birth control removal next Monday! YAYYYY! It is a totally different experience to be really "planning" a baby instead of it just "happening". I just feel so much joy about the whole thing. I'm really excited to share all of it with Bryon and now to have two older kids to share it with too! Work is great! No complaints and surprisingly no good stories. Goodnight everyone!

Upcoming Vistits!

We are going to billings this weekend and to belgrade the next! We will be super busy but these trips are LONG overdue! So that is what i have to look forward to this week. I have 6 more days of working at the hospital! WOW. The rest of May at the coffee shop and im stay at home mom again! YIPPIE! Nothing else is really going on here at the Gustafson household. Sorry so short but im actually do not have much to say! Goodnight!

Saturday Morning

I love Saturday mornings! I am sitting on the couch in a big blanket with my cup of coffee with my kids. AHHHH LIFE IS GOOD. I must say that cartoons have taken quite a turn for the worse. They really just stink. It is all japanamation which i think is just weird and creepy. Not to mention the plot! DUMB DUMB DUMB. I'm sure the cartoons that were out when i was a kid were dumb and weird to my parents though! Not too much planned for the day, just some cleaning and time with the children! It is amazing that people work all week just to get to the weekend and jam pack it full of stuff to do. I'm guilty! So i have a sore/blister on my ring finger from my guitar playing. It's kind of a big deal. I don't think i have ever been so proud of a blister! HE HE! I have put in my notice at the hospital for May 16 because that is when Bryon is going to Iowa. I will have to be the morning parent now! The hospital just cannot work with my mommy schedule. I would be lying if i said i was not just a little worried about all the steps of faith Bryon and i are having right now. Looking into all of the child care avenues for the summer was insane. I do not know how people afford it?! I would literally HAVE to work full time to make any sort of benefit in financial gain for our family and spend an entire summer with caden and brook with someone else! NO WAY JOSE! So we will be losing my income which is not huge but defiantly helpful. Also we are now wanting a baby which is extremely exciting but scary! And if all of that happens then i wont resume work in the fall. Bryon is wanting to start college this fall too! There is just a lot of stuff going on. So i just pray that we are making the right decisions. Everything feels right so hopefully it is. I know that God will bless bryon and i no matter what. Even if things don't go our way. He is in control. Well have a great weekend everyone. I'm still not sure if people are even reading this but if you are then take care and enjoy all of God's gifts!

Guitar Super Hero

Good day, good day myself. I am exhausted. First of all I want to wish my stunning man a BIG happy birthday. I am sorry we couldnt do more super cool things. I had my first guitar lesson tonight. I am dang excited! I learned 3 cords, A, E minor, and D! WAHOO! Also how to tune my guitar if i am in the woods without having the proper equipment. Cause you just know that when im in the woods ill need to know how to do that..or in the car or maybe even the airport.I am reading the book crazy love right now by francis chan and i must say i am feeling mighty convicted..whew. I have not finished it yet so i wont make any judgements but i want to just sit in the corner, rock back and forth and cry. Thats how stinkin unworthy it is making me feel...? Yeah well i really do not have much to say today so im over and out. Goodnight.

Thanksgiving

Dont you wish thanksgiving was more than one time during the year? I do. I feel like i always have so much to be thankful for that i need to celebrate it! God IS good. All the time. Anyway, what do i need to unload? Hmmm, bryon is going to try really hard to go to college this fall. I am so excited for him! But i am more excited about what he will major in. Theology and ministry. WOW! I am so amazed that im pretty much speechless! Yay! When God lays something on your heart like that it is so nice to see that your not afraid and your just going to have obedience and trust! Faith friends..that is what it is! Also...yes..there is more. Hopefully starting soon Bryon and I are going to try to have another baby!!!!!!!! Yes it is crazy! We will be starting allll over again. But it's what we feel we need to do. This life is meant to be here. I know that God will bless us no matter what. Im off to work!

Heckuva Day

Well, my day. What a day. I started my first transport of the the day looking for the patients chart. I looked for awhile and decided to just find the nurse and get the patient ready. So after looking for the chart, finding the nurse, getting the ticket to ride and the linen etc. ready I go into the room just to see that respiratory is in there just starting a breathing treatment. UG. So i ask how long it will be and she says 5 or 10 minutes..(yeah right) We all know that is too good to be true so i go to distribution and pick up a wound vac for the OR, go all the way back up to the floor and the treatment is done. Just as I'm walking out of the room to go hunt down the chart again the cna makes sure to tell me that the patient I'm taking to xray has the "squirts". She says " yeah, it is just flowing out of her like water". REALLY........Well I'm thinking that it cannot be that bad and if it was at least this gal would have some protective wear on.....so not the case. She starts inching to the edge of the bed and she is sure to let me know that is is steadily coming out..all over. So i take a peek and sure enough we have a pond of poo. I make my way down to the linen cart for a new gown, new robe, wipes and new linen. I also make sure to track down the cna for a protective wear weapon. You see you learn to be a step ahead of loose stool. Its sneaky like a ninja. I grab the safeguard and weave it through the legs, yup poo all over it as it comes out the other side. Where did it come from..I DON'T KNOW. I am done talking about this..but as you can gather it was bad and long. Way way way too long. There are a lot more details that i just cannot muster up into words.
I also got news today that some people that i knew back in bozeman are losing their son today. They will be taking him off of life support sometime this evening. Yesterday he got in a head on motorcycle accident with someone else. He is completely brain dead and so his parents are having to make a really really tough decision. He is only 11 years old and has an older brother and a younger sister with cancer. You know when you hear someone say that God wont give you anything you cant handle..you really start to wonder if that's true! So my heart is really aching for them today and i just pray that God gives them peace. Nick and Jill I'm so sorry for your loss.
Whew. Okay...I gave my notice at the hospital today and that was kinda hard. My supervisor is sad sad sad to see me go. It made me feel great that i will be missed so much. But i plan on resuming in the fall. That's it for today. Goodnight.

Hold us together

Just close your eyes and listen to this song. All you can do is just praise God with this amazing arrangment of lyrics! This stuff is what it's all about friends..this is IT.

Too much

Too much pasta and wine. Im full. Im so full that im actually feeling kinda ill. Serves me right for stuffing my face. I am also really tired. Bryons snoring is getting the best of me! My aunt nancee told me today that when ed snores she thinks its CUTE...AND FUNNY.....................RIGHT. I would like to know where she gets those happy feelings from. Everything today was good, no complaints. I got a wonderful haircut tonight! Looks great..my hair is very long for a change and i am just loving it. Well im off to bed..goodnight.

Goals

Goals man...what do you do to attain goals. Hard hard hard. What motivates someone to set and actually achieve goals. I have a ton of goals but sometimes just not one ounce of motivation to start, follow thorough and keep them until the end. It is so frustrating. I'm just throwing out what is on my mind today. grrrr. Work today was a ok. It is amazing how many of my co-workers throw around the *f* bomb! I finally asked why everyone keeps saying that word and i got the reply " it's just another word, it's people like you that make such a big deal about it that makes it worth saying". Not true..the fact is that it is not just a word..the word is meant to hurt or show mass amounts of anger and vulgarity and stuff of the inappropriate nature. Soooo that is how i feel about that. I put in for June 2 to be my last day at the coffee shop today. Kinda weird! I have gotten so so much donated and free stuff from there. That job defiantly has its perks!! Get it perks! Like a coffee perk. I don't know what that means but it sounded good at the moment! So thanks to Starbucks and my awesome boss! I am pretty sure that I'm going to let the hospital go for the summer too, sad about that but we just cannot afford for me to work with having to pay for two kids to attend a day care/babysitter/summer camp. WOW..can we say EXPENSIVE! But the awesome thing is that i will be able to pick up either or both when the kids go back to school..because i am so awesimo! So maybe ill be able to achieve those GOALS over the summer. I'm sure there will be plenty of time! I am still really missing my parents. The older i get and the older they get the more i want to just be close. Even if we don't see each other everyday. Life is short. Church was amazing as usual tonight! Great message about worrying and how hard it is to let go of the control in your life and to just give it all to God. I just thought that when you finally let go of control and you give it all to God then more times than not things do not start going quite the way you thought that they would when you "felt" like you gave it up. You were thinking you were being all obedient and everything. Well it starts a whole new cycle of worry! So i have to remind myself every second of everyday that even when i have gotten rid of it that i am NOT in control and that the plan He has for me is bigger and far greater than i can see. It is not just a get up in the morning and spend some time with the Lord and give Him everything and vwa la its all peachy. I have to pray on it all day sometimes. Then at night when i am getting ready to fall asleep, i pray all over again to let it go so i can sleep! Funny ha! I think so.

Short and Sweet

I am really in the mood to write but i am so tired! Work was allright, really busy and kinda sad. Anyway back to the coffee shop tomorrow to deliver to the caffiene junkies. Had some awesome brats for dinner with a shaved grape icee with my darling son! I am probably the worlds coolest mom eva! Brook fell asleep at 7 so i dont feel so bad for being exhausted! Still on cloud nine that bryon is home! Other stuff on the brain would be that i am really thinking about donating bone marrow! I do not know much about it besides the fact that it can be really painful and draining but that is a small small price to save a life! It will defidently take some time to consider and research. I have not shared that thought with anyone yet so i might want to do that! Sweet dreams to you all! Goodnight

Sleep!

Today...is a Monday. Lastnight my darling husband came home from the 4 day trip to seattle..cool. I was super super excited to see him. So we go to bed lastnight and bless his little heart he puts on his breathe right strip..wallgreens brand (not the REAL deal). So he falls asleep in about 2 seconds and I am still awake..probably still excited that he is home! 1:30 rolls around and im still awake listening to him snore and snore and snore. I woke him up about 5 times and finally said forget this..im going to the couch. HORRIBLE SLEEP..that is all that happened lastnight. He got the lecture this morning first thing. Poor guy! Work was great! I made some requests known but the got completly ignored so im feeling a little sour about that, but move on ya know. There is so much that happens at work that i wish i could talk openly about but i am not allowed. The hippa monster might get me. Anyway steak fajitas for dinner and chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting for dinner all enjoyed at the end with a glass of wine! YUM! Also watching the horrible sex driven show dancing with the stars..i mean they might as well just dance naked. DANGIT. Love you all who read my blog. I know it is probably boring to you but so relaxing for me. Goodnight!

First Time For Thoughts

Well this is just exciting! A place that I can just write down my thoughts. No my space and no facebook! I thought I would have five million things to write about but now that im here i cannot think of anything. At least I know that it is here now! Thanks Jen! Church this morning was absoulutly amazing! The message is always good but this morning was WOW. I have been truly inspired to finish my book Crazy Love. I am about half way through it and I must say friends, if you want to really know God's living love...read that book! After church i enjoyed an amazing lunch with friends and actually ran into an old supervisor that i had at the hospital! It was nice to see her again. We are at home and watching the movie 9 which caden has turned off because it is creeping him out! Hopefully no bad dreams tonight! I didnt even check the rating! I probably should have done that! Bryon comes home tonight and i am SO excited. You know with all the time that we have spent appart it is incredible how hard just a few days can be. God truly has blessed me early in my life to have such an amazing partner to share everything with. Thank you honey for just being you! I love you so much already and it just grows more everyday. Well tata for today! I am going to make it a serious goal to write in here everday for myself and my family! I love you all! God is good!